There’s a thing I found on Reddit. It’s been referenced in a few forums I tend to frequent because it just so beautifully describes the dynamic between enablers and abusers. The title of the post is “Don’t Rock the Boat,” and it’s a reflection on that phrase, and what it is that people are really saying when they use it.
I wish I knew who to credit this to, because it so well-articulates how abusers/people who behave badly don’t always act alone or in a void. There are often people around them who are aware of their bad behavior, but make it their duty to be the stabilizing presence. It also reflects on how “boat stabilizers,” as this author terms enablers, come into existence – often, it can be within a family environment where there are multiple family members who work together to try to minimize the rocking caused by one person.
Continue reading “Definitely DO rock the boat”
It’s an eerie day in Colorado as we greeted the arrival of our second bomb cyclone. The day started rainy, gray, and foggy with an impending sense of doom and eventually turned to a heavy wet snow which is much more appropriate for a bleak midwinter than an early spring. The gloomy weather hanging over my home seems the appropriate time to reflect on events that occurred on March 26, 2018 on the northern coast of California, sometime in the early hours of the morning.
This is a story about abuse, neglect, and murder, and it’s been eating at me for quite some time. I had to collect my thoughts, and the point of posting them is to call attention to this case, to these kids, to what they experienced and why they experienced it, and to the forces that intertwined to create a situation in which they never got the help they desperately needed and were desperately seeking.
TW: Tough subject matter ahead. Read at your own discretion.
Continue reading ““The problem is, these women look normal.””
I adopted a tiny creature. A very small, delicate, beautiful little betta fish.
Continue reading “What animals teach us”
When I first had to grapple with this question years ago, I told people, “I can apply to law school!” I was, as a very young adult, skilled in the art of telling people what they wanted to hear in order to temporarily cover up my true designs. If I’d told them that I had no interest in law school, I would have been treated to many useless lectures that older adults tend to smother younger adults with. (I try not to do that myself, as much as I’d like to sometimes. They need to learn and grow on their own, and as much as I’d like to think I do…I don’t know everything.)
But if someone were to ask me today, What can you do with an English degree?, my answer would be this:
You can recover from trauma.
Continue reading “What can you do with an English degree?”
I’ve done over the past few months what I often do, which is turn inward. I always tell myself I’ll keep a blog going, and it’s not for lack of words and ideas that I don’t. It’s more just that introvert’s tendency to want to live in your own head, in your own private writings, in your own little world.
I’m recommitted to writing – not that I left necessarily, but I got distracted by other things for a while. Now I’m clearing those other things out of my life so that I can get back to that one thing.
That got me to thinking about why it look me so long to get here…
Continue reading “A recommitment to writing”
The Denver Art Museum really is a treasure. There’s a cool exhibit there called Stampede that’s all about animals in art, and there’s a fairy tale section, because animals feature heavily in many fairy tales. This is my favorite piece…
Continue reading “Little glimpses of defiance”
I’ve been contemplating a bit why people who have chronic invisible illnesses really hate being told that we don’t look sick.
It’s about performance.
Continue reading “The role I never wanted to play”