Transactional allyship

This is a horrifying cultural moment globally for many reasons.

Something very strange erupted in a corner of the internet I happen to frequent and it really underscores for me the self-centered nature of many supposed progressives and allies, which I think is what inherently underlies a lot of atrocities committed in the world.

Queer people were speaking up about calling for a cease fire, condemning the actions of the Israeli government in ceaselessly slaughtering so many innocent Palestinians. (At the same time clarifying that they’re anti-Hamas, not anti-Palestinian. They’re anti-Zionist, not anti-Jew. We don’t blame a whole group for the actions of a few extremists.)

Some pro-war faction went after these queer folks calling for a cease fire and empathizing with what Palestinians are suffering right now because “they hate you and would execute you, but Israel is pro-LGBTQ so you should be supporting them.”

Um. What. My brain shorted out for a moment when I read that justification.

I don’t speak for all queer people, but for me: I don’t owe you my support because your country threw a queer pride parade. Being pro-queer doesn’t win you a free pass from me when it comes to killing people. (That’s called transactional allyship and this is the absolute worst example of it I’ve ever seen.)

And, just to be clear: Genocide is ALWAYS wrong. I don’t care what these people believe – slaughtering innocent civilians, including thousands of children, is ALWAYS wrong.

And trying to justify it in some weird indirect way by saying “Well they’re anti-queer and they would probably kill you so you should be okay with us killing them!” is a level of mental gymnastics that I can’t fathom. Like…how do you get there, and feel okay about it?

Look. I’m anti-Hamas and I’m anti-Zionist.

I don’t blame Jewish people for what Israel’s government and military are doing. I think anti-Semitism is horrible. I don’t blame the Palestinians for Hamas, and I think slaughtering Palestinians because of what Hamas is doing is indescribably horrific. I can hold both of those beliefs simultaneously.

And yeah, plenty of Palestinians probably would disapprove of me for a plethora of reasons. I don’t care. Genocide is ALWAYS wrong. Their beliefs don’t justify killing them.

If you feel you should only support groups who would approve of you, then congrats! You are the people you hate.

If you feel that groups you support owe you something in return, then congrats! You’re a charlatan.

Values are something you live without needing or expecting anything in return, because it’s the right thing to do. They are things you apply to all people and all situations, not just the ones that align with you.

Honestly, I think that is a lot of what underlies hate – the ability to justify that hate and anger and oppression if the other person doesn’t look or act or believe or live the way you do. The othering of anyone who’s not like you. It allows you to dehumanize them, and it’s a few short hoops from there to genocide and kids in cages and leaving migrants to drown.

And being transactional isn’t much better. When you get into a mindset of “I won’t support you if you don’t support me” then you’re giving atrocities a hall pass.

The worst part about the transactional group is that they’ll be standing there screaming and crying about hate as they hand out the hall passes. That’s what really gets me lately.